DoTheEvolution.Me

Suckerrific.  This morning was aweful.    I was out of breathe and cramping up by sprint 5, felt very sluggish the whole time, and just felt tapped out.  Abs were no better, I felt just as weak and unpowerful.

So definitely one of those low days I’ve written about before.  Performance wise if you actually timed my sprint and witnessed by ab exercises my guess is they weren’t actually all that much more worse than some other days.  But they sure as hell felt like it!

7 days left!

Tired this morning.  Real tired.

HA. I’ve probably started 30% of my posts with that by now I imagine.

This morning I decided to use the gym as a way to explore that tiredness.  When I wake up and feel tired, what am I really feeling?   When I’ve been up all night and not gotten enough sleep, I say I’m tired.  When I’ve put in a day of high mental concentration/intensity at work I say I’m tired.  Anytime I go back home and am around my family I feel tired.

Obviously tired means a lot of things, and touches in on many different aspects of my ‘self’: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I tried to stay in touch with my “tiredness” today as I lifted  (back, shoulders, and biceps/triceps) and, big suprise, I found that in many ways my body had just as much energy as it normally did, when I really felt into it down to the cellular level.

Still, I was tired, so it wasn’t the most amazing workout I’ve ever had, but it was a good one, and I did really get clarity around the fact that for me personally, a lot of times my “tiredness” is an escape, an avoidance, an excuse to disengage, shutdown, and as mentioned yesterday, to not FEEL.

Trying to remain open and present thru my ‘tiredness’ just got added to life’s practices.

If yesterday was a workout of highs, today was a workout of loooooooooows.  A) was totally unmotivated when I woke up, “itssssss saturrrrday” is what I kept whining to myself inside.

B) When I did get to the gym, I had zero energy.  It was like working out after having already worked out.  I have no idea why, but I was failing on my cardio level weights like they were my normal level.

But, I just ran with it.  Tried to keep my mind focus while letting my body be what it was.  Don’t think I broke any records for intensity, but my muscles were definitely groaning in each exercise and as always, and most important, I did it.

Week 10 OUT.

Definitely struggled this morning.  I was a little tired, I’m in my 6th week, and it was PULL day, which I rarely feel good about.  I’m not sure if its the weights, exercises, or my attitude towards them, but I just can’t seem to get a pump on shoulder day.  Perhaps its just the nature of the muscle group in that they don’t fatigue in the same way legs and more concentrated upper body muscles do.  Regardless, i did my best to train hard this morning, but it definitely wasn’t my best day of training yet.  I think some of my fear is kicking in, I’m halfway through the program and while I think I’ve lost a couple pounds, my body more or less looks the same.  No majorly dramatic changes or newly visible cuts of muscles.  That is discouraging me quite a bit.  However, I’m trying to remain centered and optimistic.  I’m going to push harder in the 2nd half of training than in the first for one, and two, my body might not radically change in some ways until after the program completes.  I’ve started the engines and am trying to get them to burn as hot as possible, but that just takes time….I hope.

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.

Not because I didn’t feel like going to work out, I didn’t feel like getting up to do anything. Truth be told, sometimes the constant beautiful sunshine of Boulder feels oppressive to me, and always seems to be whispering in my ear: “Get up, go outside, hike a mountain, rock climb, go running, be social, DO DO DO DO.” Anytime I stay indoors on a sunny day here I feel a deep rooted guilt, for not taking advantage of all this region has to offer.

But, back to the workout. I did get up, and I did go work out. I’m nearing the point where sticking to my routine isn’t even a choice anymore, it’s just what I do, like brushing my teeth, eating, and all the other basic stuff.

It was a pretty good cardio weight routine, and I am in a slightly better mood after working out than I was this morning, not all sunshine and roses but a step in the right direction.

And with the completion of today’s workout, I’m done with week 3 of 12, so I’m 25% there.

Just finished my morning sit, Today was tough. My first day of HIIT (high intensity interval training) and abs. I decided to do suicide sprints (one end of the gym to the other and back) as my exercise, and they were realllly difficult for me. First off, I had a slight fear realized, I’ve had a weird cough/congestion problem for as long as I can remember, and its still there. Get much worse during aerobic exercise, and suddenly its harder to breathe and my chest is full of fluid. I’ve seen allergists and ENTs gallore and nothing has ever helped. I’m going to schedule another appointment with someone today, and also got in for more acupuncture.

Back to the exercise, it’s supposed to be 20 minutes, with 8 high intensity minute cycles. I was only able to do 5 cycles at 30 seconds, and then nearly keeled over. Will adjust accordingly Friday. I also forgot to look over the ab routine that follows the sprints, so I wasn’t really focused during them. Going to remember to bring my exercise sheet next time…

Internally, had two useful realizations during today’s practice. First, was the way my lungs feel during sprints when I get congested. Today I finally realized where I recognized the feeling from: smoking. I don’t do it often, mainly because it sets my respiratory system afire and I cough like crazy. My lungs felt like that today, not sure what it means but useful data. Second, and more abstractly, I made slight connection that maybe my perma-congestion/cough, financial debt, and some mental baggage I carry around might all be connected. Special thanks to my acupuncturist Marco for first putting in the seed of the connection between my internal states and external manifestations.

Finally, I’ve found myself practicing a strange little ritual the last week or so, ending my showers with cold water. I think it’s a great mini state training practice, I generally go from hot water to warm, my body reacts by thinking its cold at first, but then usually adjusts. Next, I flip it straight to the cold, feel the rush that comes from reaaaally cold water, and try to relax into the intensity of the feeling. Try it out.

And, as promised, my before pics in their full unflattering glory: